Hospital Radio

by Michelle Lynn

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1.
Old Soul Syndrome Out of nowhere it seems like i’ve been here Bound by the years thrown around by these fears If children only speak what they hear Hand over their eyes hand over their ears Hand over fist my hands were tied Now if you take me take me by surprise (refrain) take my soul I never said its mine And I won’t want it back until the day I die Is there something I should’ve known about But never bothered to find out Because now you doubt me for my doubts But once you stooped low enough to help me out As what I thought was a cycle was really just a spiral I went above and beyond my own sinking level (refrain) I suffered gladly through my greatest hour of need I put myself last to see how far it’d get me Down every road of recovery down every lane of memory The only one who looked both ways before crossing me Had a PhD in divinity and a knowledge of past life therapy Saying don’t worry about me I only steal things that are free I only steal things that are free (refrain) Battling symptoms of old soul syndrome Battling symptoms of old soul syndrome Like the farmer who tills the earth but later lies beneath With his lady in waiting now bathing his feet They seek salvation in a pale Galilean As interstates and bridges crumble around them Hung up on their cross health care denied Found tarred and feathered they still called it suicide (refrain) In the future of memory we’ll see into the past Close to some garden where they say history began I’ll write the last words ever written If you find the first words ever penned Take my soul I never said it’s mine And I won’t need it back Until the day I’m alive
2.
Wishing You Well Enter bone chilling cold Too few years to feel this old Hours fade fast into years No clock is running slow here Exit temperature running low With it a heart beats faint and slow (Refrain) No one here is able to tell How it is you did this to yourself Help wishing you well Get up if you need a different view What have you been reduced to Cardiac arrest at 13 Tube up your nose alive because of a machine You’re a machine Counting tiles on the floor Washing until you can’t wash anymore (Refrain) You’re young of all the places to go You’re on the top floor of another psyche ward nursing home Away from home with seizures and shaking fainting spells You’re not living proof you’re living hell Help me help myself They locked you away And the hospital radio played
3.
Mother Earth’s Abortion When are you going to walk on water When are you going to walk on air When are you going to see you only need the same as anyone here Or has self-sacrifice and the postmodern man Taught you how to live in unlivable situations (Refrain) With a view straight from the birds eye Under an empty sky It wouldn’t be the first time It shouldn’t happen now and again Get her where you want her by leaving her where she stands Time is using us up Do you get the notion my friend We’ve been bearing witness to mother earth’s abortion I’m trying to enter your atmosphere through the eyes of mine Where I’ve been living in darkness both day and night Now all I can hope for is the sun in my eyes As I wait for and pray for this fear of death to die (refrain) She brings you water but no solution for your needs When the pollution in your words becomes the air you breath Still you’ve got your strip mine and I’ve got my diamond pipe In the land of living but in the land of the dead tonight (refrain) Everyone enters a race to find their place Down here on an earth so lost in space Everyone here seems to be going somewhere But nobody knows what to do When and if they get there When and if they get theirs
4.
American Experiment You talk about peace having a fighting chance While my brother’s blood line is drawn in the sand You say all could be forgotten as easily as we forget But you travel the world with your hands folded In a fist And a young man on the front line For the old man’s bottom line Is the same old story in a different time He says I haven’t thought for myself for so long Now they have to do it for me but they do it all wrong As the time we’re living on might as well be borrowed If leaders only go where the people follow If you think things are better now it’s not legit They just got you a little to use to it (refrain) Say who can say if that is what the forefathers meant When they called this grand land an American experiment You’re so young you’re so free Can you stay that way the way you’re going You pass off paranoia for awareness but at a cost When you don’t know why you fight have you already lost Dividing a wide world into safe zones where fools on both sides stand as fools alone (refrain) What are you looking forward to Are you looking at all Where you once suffered from your crimes Now you suffer from your laws As kids try to find what this land is built on They don’t say god-like guns and church bells melted into cannons (refrain) Not a drop causing the flood feels guilty All the tables turned here will simply sit empty As you try to fill a space everybody else sees Don’t become a part of the manufactured dream (refrain) Sold to the highest bidder
5.
Second Generation Bum Before you ask what I’m doing here tonight Whatever you’re thinking you’re probably right Before you ask who it is I’m trying to impress Your best guess is if they exist they left (refrain) Sometimes it isn’t much Every time it’s all I’ve got I guess you’ll see me dead before you see me stop You asked my life story It was pretty long So you talked half way through it And told me what I’m doing wrong But you’re the one who woke up on your lawn Locked out of your own house You can’t trust the words coming out of your own mouth As you wander off in a trance Try to jump the outside fence But make friends with the cement Cuz around your ankles are your pants (refrain) So many rise to meet you I can’t sit up straight So many rise to greet you And I don’t know what to say (refrain) When the bible in their hand Starts looking like a gun And you ask me where it is I’m from I’d rather be a second generation bum Than sing as a slave on a modern plantation Just give me one more shot man Just give me one more chance Melodies move like that pinball machine Competing with the bar TV screen I’m not sure why I fear footsteps behind me Carrying my equipment around back alleys
6.
My Captain’s Bed For so long I was blown around on my own Thrown to the open road that always felt so closed I always felt like I was never there The world was a war of nerves And I was too dead to care But you caught me at the height of my fallen state You told me not to drown but rather mount the waves Through the highs and lows that reshaped me To ride the tide now on many an ancient sea (refrain) But I find no rest captive in my captain’s bed When the options are endless All I say can be betrayed by a kiss You leave me red as the wine that stains my lips Just when I think it’s enough it doesn’t add up to much Such is the rush from just a half full cup As I soak up your touch like the salt of the earth Say they were born of the stars or some cosmic burst On the birth of each evening inviting me to lose myself to you and find myself free (refrain) When I can’t speak will you move my lips for me Or if your ship comes in will you send me out to sea When you couldn’t speak I moved your lips for you I followed your lead So I can predict your every move We’re both driven but in different directions If you substitute attention for affection Stare my vulnerability in the eye You know until its strength by your side I’d lie Free in one sense to be bound in another As we drop everything and pull ourselves together There’s no cause to pause and search through all natures laws If you lay down your love as the only god (refrain)
7.
Damaged Goods Gentlemen she says please stay seated I don’t stay in one place too long With raging desire but no desire to feed it She doesn’t need anyone Isolation is her occupation She’d love to let his love in But no one likes to go where others have been With enough regret she could bury a man (refrain) She doesn’t take it out on anybody She takes it out on her own body She believes pain cures pain If damaged goods can never be good again She showed up on his doorstep Like an animal beat to death He took her in and nursed her back to health But he can’t keep her let alone keep her well (refrain) Now she’s got herself a good man She doesn’t know what to do with him He’s not afraid of the outcome As much as he’s afraid of her intentions (refrain) No satisfaction no release Even in security she screams Don’t let me take me away Reasons to go Give me reasons to stay
8.
Taste of Hunger If you’re going to use me at least use me up I don’t want what’s left of me when you’re done I’m not sure where need comes from But it never comes alone and it comes in more ways than one I have to get myself something no one can take away from me I want nothing more than anything to want nothing more than anything Though I’d wish to have no wish Born in want we all seek this find life’s grandest secret There might be none to begin with (Refrain) I play because I can’t quit But I’m not sure how much longer I’ll fight myself because I think I always win It just gives me the taste of hunger I can’t demand anything where there is nothing to get I find it kind of hard to hide something that isn’t I used to live in your script but now my part no longer fits I can’t explain one part of this without confusing all of it My senses deceive me through manic panicked frantic frenzies Emptiness puts me at ease but not when you know I have it in me (refrain) If I back out now I’m not sure what I’m back into And I’m bitter when I lose If it’s cuz someone else wrote my rules As I’m one step too far behind but we didn’t start at the same starting line You can have it all alright just not all at the same time As what’s been eating me alive is the thought that I could survive Without the bread of life and all you have offer So when are you going to fill me in When are you going to fill me in (refrain) Will I belong to everything when nothing belongs to me Or will I belong to everything if I give myself to everything Anything I could become would be a reminder of who I was And who wants to be just a sacrificial victim If I don’t throw myself at your feet will you bend me low to my knees Until I’m in over my head over my dead body over my dead body I was (refrain) If it’s going to use me I hope it uses me up I don’t want what’s left of me when it’s done
9.
Neurosis Put to Sound Do you write down everything except for what you’re thinking Have you seen and thought things that would have left you better off blind I can’t go anywhere where I’m not there I’m filing a complaint Dr. see you failed to check my eyes I can’t regain my innocence so I’m pleading ignorance As I put the pain on trial and put reason to the rhyme (refrain) Around here if you sing words like a death wish No one should ever know How it won’t let up until you let out it won’t let you go You won’t get rid of me not that easily Like a true napoleon in exile makes armies of the enemy I see you attack first to avoid being hurt But pre-emptive rituals and instinct don’t make a victory (refrain) How long have I been gone Half right equals half wrong If the world is just one giant grave Prepare to be buried by your adversary (refrain) If I could change one thing about myself I might be somebody else But it might be worth something someday for me to keep myself around Neurosis put to sound As I write down everything except for what I’m thinking
10.
Born Fully Grown Say when you’ve had enough I’ve taken the long way to every short cut As I’m catching on or maybe just Catching up (refrain) More and more down every road I go I’m lead a little further from what I first called home Between what’s done for love and what’s done for show There’s no room to react Feeling born fully grown We rewind our situations and pretend we’re not affected To learn to expect nothing is the gift of the neglected As I say sorry so many times Like I’m apologizing for being alive (refrain) We sit in circles And contemplate our work loads We talk in circles About where we should go As I walked with support Yeah maybe in my shoes Cuz the rock I was living under was suddenly forced to move (Refrain) It’s gotten to that point if there’s a point worth making I never thought this would be the cost of living It’s gotten to that point if there’s a point worth making
11.
Monkey 03:35
Monkey Why didn’t I come to you sooner said Eve I only wish to know what’s going on Am I getting here at the same time as you are Adam Hey man where did you come from Here we’re trapped in a maze not in a cage Making our way down this garden path Let us stop and play our shadows in the shade say What are you getting out of life other that a laugh What am I getting out of life other that a laugh (refrain) What have we left to show Other than we’re never greater than what we do not know On a path as broad as the destruction it leads to Was this something put on us or something we slipped into As the winds of change came they stripped us bare We had to adapt quick cuz Eden’s gates don’t care (refrain) Staring out on this scene of earthly existence I must admit a part of me is going to miss this But you’ll go on without me just like you went on before me God knows you’re just the world to me We’re only human We’re under the conditions There are over 6 billion worlds now and they’re inside of this one Go on beat your chest leave an impression on me Come the night we’re all naked as a monkey (refrain)
12.
When the Raven Sings What else can you whisper in my aching ear As you say no trick was played to get me here But you dangle your golden cage In an attempt to tempt my fate Cuz I lust for something new to trust At the end of the day Most of my learning takes place After midnight now as I go off and lose my voice At least that’s how it sounds (refrain) Now that you know where you’re going Can you see you’re getting to me And I’ll find you in everything Especially when the raven sings As far as I can see I’m on my way down Won’t you keep my head in the clouds but keep My ear to the ground I’ve been searching for signs I can’t hear nor see through propaganda so thick It’s like a Hitler symphony Where everybody stands with their mirror in hand They only want to understand you After you end up like them (refrain) I have no explanation for the ways I’ve felt Just that when I can’t turn to anyone else I turn on myself Now your eyes can see what my tongue can’t tell I can’t show you what I want I can’t show you to yourself (refrain) Hush little baby don’t say a word Mamma’s going to buy you a mocking bird And if that mocking bird If she can’t sing The raven’s going to take you under it’s broken wing Until you’re hearing melodies in air raid sirens It’s the song of sadness that gets stuck in our heads now
13.
Ash 04:31
Ash You were too young to know You were too young to go Now a grave cold stone Shows the date you were baptized In fire and terrified Baptized in fire I would have taken your place But I was half a world away I keep reliving that day Like thinking I don’t want to be in this especially if it crashes In a plane over Panama my world went to ashes I have traveled since then Niagara Falls to the Grand Canyon I haven’t found a thing I haven’t found you I stood on that canyon’s edge And I stared straight ahead Like I knew it was coming And I didn’t care when it hit me You can scream until your last breath You can run until there is nothing of you left But you can’t cry tears good enough for death Would you mind if I don’t mind You say try to leave it all behind

credits

released May 30, 2008

Drums, Lead Guitar, & Banjo - Matt Olson
Bass - Adam P.
Mixed, & Mastered by Matt Olson
at Ghost in My House Studio in Onalaska, WI
Engineered & Produced by Adam P. & Michelle
at MLM Studio in La Crescent, MN

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Michelle Lynn La Crosse, Wisconsin

Songs from the perspective of overlooked historical people.

Michelle's first five albums focused on psychology and creative living.

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